They can’t all be gems. Some Christmas songs can do irreparable harm to your ear canals. Here are 12 of them . . .
1. “Here Comes Santa Claus” by Mrs. Miller. She was discovered by the announcer from “Laugh-In”, which should tell you all you need to know.
2. “Silent Night” by Wing. Wing Han Tsang was born in Hong Kong and took up singing as a hobby when she moved to New Zealand. Somehow, she made it kinda big. “South Park” even parodied her back in the day.
3. “White Christmas” by Tiny Tim. Okay, this one’s bad. But my choice would have been his version of “Silent Night“, featuring a spoken-word break where he takes aim at hypocrites, fornicators, and child molesters, as any good Christmas carol should.
4. “Little Drummer Boy” by William Hung. Hey, the guy’s a household name. Maybe the joke was on us the whole time.
5. “I Got a Cold for Christmas” by the Three Stooges. Not terrible, but not exactly a classic.
6. “Jingle Bells” by William Shatner, featuring Henry Rollins. Yes, THAT Henry Rollins.
7. “Santa Claws Is Coming to Town” by Alice Cooper, featuring John 5, Billy Sheehan, and Vinny Appice. This one actually kinda rocks, but to each their own.
8. “The Night Before Christmas” by David Hasselhoff. This one is extra cheesy, even by HIS standards.
9. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by Regis Philbin. This one features a cameo by a pre-Oval Office Donald Trump, who offers Rudolph a job in place of Santa.
10. “Up on the Housetop” by the Jingle Babies. A bunch of annoying baby songs sampled and played back . . . kind of like those singing cats and dogs, only somehow much, much worse.
11. “Jingle Hell” by Christopher Lee. Yes, one of the greatest actors of all time became a late-in-life heavy metal singer. This one doesn’t really come together, but I will never criticize anything this LEGEND did.
12. “Away in a Manger” by the Brady Bunch. Actually, this one only features the vocal talents of Marcia, a.k.a. Maureen McCormick. It’s from an album called “Merry Christmas from the Brady Bunch”.
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