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The “New York Post” matched the vibes of various Christmas songs and zodiac signs . . . to show the song that “sings to your spirit”. . . through your sign.
It’s unclear what all went into these, so let’s just roll with it:
Aries (March 21st to April 19th) . . . “Father Christmas” by The Kinks.
Quote, “Aries is punk rock energy . . . coming out of the gate with an axe to grind, a fire to start, a sneer to share, and a mall Santa to rough up.”
Taurus (April 20th to May 20th) . . . “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC.
“Taurus rules the second house of material goods and earthly delights, and this banger tells the tale of a park-roaming, wallet-finding good Samaritan rewarded with a million in cold cash, a warm yule log, and a belly full of mac and cheese.”
Gemini (May 21st to June 20th) . . . “The Little Drummer Boy”, Frank Sinatra.
“Leave it to a Gemini to fail to bring a gift for a newborn demi-god and improvise with a drum solo. Pure mutability, pa rum pum pum pum.”
Cancer (June 21st to July 22nd) . . . “Last Christmas”, Wham!
“The late great George Michael was a Cancer king, and this Christmas banger is positively awash in those cardinal, emo waters. Still, lamenting a doomed love affair an entire year later? Pure Cancer.”
Leo (July 23rd to August 22nd) . . . “All I Want For Christmas Is You”, Mariah Carey.
“Leo is the sign of royalty, and Her Royal Highness Mariah Carey is the uncontested Queen of Christmas.”
Virgo (August 23rd to September 22nd) . . . “White Christmas”, Bing Crosby.
“A holiday without blemish or upset? A covetable kind of Christmas for the purifying Virgo.”
Libra (September 23rd to October 22nd) . . . “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”, John Lennon & Yoko Ono.
“Mr. John Lennon, the most famous Libra in musical history, singing an earnest anti-war duet and appeal for peace and inclusivity in troubled times alongside his wife and the Harlem Community Choir?”
Scorpio (October 23rd to November 21st) . . . “River”, by Joni Mitchell.
“Sounding like someone dragged ‘Jingle Bells’ down to the underworld, Scorpio sage Joni Mitchell sings the song of her people.”
Sagittarius (November 22nd to December 21st) . . . “Feliz Navidad”, by José Feliciano
“This song sounds like a party, and that’s really the M.O. of every Sagittarius who ever raised a jug of wine or arrow to the sky.”
Capricorn (December 22nd to January 19th) . . . “Fairy Tale of New York”, The Pogues
“Written from the reflective vantage of a down-on-his-luck lover spending Christmas Eve in a drunk tank, it’s refreshingly void of sentiment (just like a ‘sea goat’ likes it), but still carries with it a hard-boiled high note for hope.”
Aquarius (January 20th to February 18th) . . . “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”, Band Aid
“Aquarius is the sign of community organizing and humanitarian responsibility. This song was conceived as an anthem of awareness to raise money for those affected by the Ethiopian famine of the mid-1980s . . .
“While Aquarius is driven by revolutionary zeal and utopian ideals, their crystal visions often crack under the weight of mismanagement.” Yikes, that’s deep.
Pisces (February 19th to March 20th) . . . “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday”, Wizzard
“A classic brought to life by a glam rock band who are strung out on Santa, mainlining glitter, and snorting cheer in the song’s video. It suits the escapist tendencies, tinseled temperaments and sugar plum preferences of a Pisces.”
(NY Post)
